Threshold

Whether to come clean or hold my tongue

As I stand between the two worlds – the one I live and the one I could live – I sum up which one is more rewarding, which one will work? I don’t know where I stand anymore. I feel I have distanced myself from the possible life to long that it is no longer achievable.

Who will I hurt on either side? Hurt is inevitable. As much as I regret this sad reality; I know it is true. Does happiness exist anymore? Is this the stage of life everyone must endure: the pursuit of happiness?

“If I Fall If I Die Know I Lived It To The Fullest

If I Fall If I Die Know I Lived And Missed Some Bullets

I’m On The Pursuit Of Happiness And I Know
Everything That Shines Ain’t Always Gonna Be Gold

I’ll Be Fine Once I Get It; I’ll Be Good”
- Kid Cudi

So I know it’s not going to be easy and it will be risky. Either way it will be worth it.

For now I sit, on the threshold, awaiting a light breeze that may sway my weight either way. I don’t have control of my future now. My future I leave in the hands of fate.

Respect and Spirit

I know I’m not the most recurrent, which shows as this post is about ANZAC Day
Yes I know a bit late but here goes…

I am quite inspired by the generosity of those who have sacrificed their lives, at times more, for their country. It is their loyalty and pride in their nation which I believe everyone should possess. I wish I had the courage to risk it all; my life; my future; my family for something much bigger than myself: A beautiful, fostering, nurturing nation.

I know a footy club can’t compare to the heroics of the ANZACs but we drew inspiration from the soldiers who died to allow us to play footy, in freedom and harmony. Last weekend as we stood arm in arm as the last post rang in our ears, as the Australian flag rose to the sound of the familiar anthem, I was inspired by the ANZAC’s courage to put their body on the line and be there for your mates when they need help. I think the spirit of the ANZACs pulled us through our match.

“Respect and Spirit” echoed through our heads as we paid tribute to the fallen soldiers.

Next day and the true ANZAC spirit was evident. As the sun rose on the water, the kookaburras cooed in the trees, and the respectful silence which succeeded it, made us remember the freedom we earned when our brave soldiers fought.

Marching down the main street behind the horses, the band, the soldiers and the veterans I spied a ‘No U-turn’ sign in the middle of the road. These soldiers – younger than myself – signed up to see the world. They truly couldn’t turn back from there. They were conscripted to fight a no win battle. But they did fight and they did not give up…

And for that I salute you..

To the fallen soldiers and those who continue to protect Australia today

Mistakes

Ever made a mistake? One so bad you don’t think you would ever be able to make it up? One you may not even have known you made for months, years after it happened? One you still may not have known you have made – but the overwhelming “What if..?” makes you contemplate the mistakes existence?

I have.

I don’t really know how to classify it. Is it more so regret or a question of if I am better off now?

I hate what I did, the people I hurt. It was never my intention to do this to my friends; those so dear to me. I guess I have to live with it.

I can never expect to be forgiven for what I did. As much as I want to take things back it can never happen due to my previous idiocy. How could I expect to be forgiven? I don’t deserve to live in innocence after this.

As previously stated the “What if..?” rhetorical taunts me continuously. What if I had not been a selfish prick and shut my mouth; protected my friends and hidden in the shadows; never to allow myself to make such a fool of myself and others.

The regret continues today; yet can I really replace the coincidental good times I have had as a result. But could they have been better? Did I make the right decision?