Mistakes

Ever made a mistake? One so bad you don’t think you would ever be able to make it up? One you may not even have known you made for months, years after it happened? One you still may not have known you have made – but the overwhelming “What if..?” makes you contemplate the mistakes existence?

I have.

I don’t really know how to classify it. Is it more so regret or a question of if I am better off now?

I hate what I did, the people I hurt. It was never my intention to do this to my friends; those so dear to me. I guess I have to live with it.

I can never expect to be forgiven for what I did. As much as I want to take things back it can never happen due to my previous idiocy. How could I expect to be forgiven? I don’t deserve to live in innocence after this.

As previously stated the “What if..?” rhetorical taunts me continuously. What if I had not been a selfish prick and shut my mouth; protected my friends and hidden in the shadows; never to allow myself to make such a fool of myself and others.

The regret continues today; yet can I really replace the coincidental good times I have had as a result. But could they have been better? Did I make the right decision?